Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Love Is Like Jazz ...

Here I am ... a full two years since my last post. I originally began blogging thinking it would give me an outlet for the millions of thought processes that go through my mind or even a window to actively put my passion out there (writing). However, I tend to prove to myself time and time again that I am the worlds worst at time management when it comes to things such as this ... and honestly that isn't a bad thing, right?!

Those of you that know me, truly know what the last couple of years have entailed. I'm not blogging about it. ;-) (lucky you, right?) What I am going to blog about is the new beginning that this year has perked up with.

Time after time I have told myself that I am going to finish school, you know? Finish what I started so many years ago. Well, this year it is happening. I graduate in less than a month with my degree in Arts of Psychology. Not only do I graduate with this but I am in the process of deciding which route I want to take in the field of psychology ... once I have that decided then the continuing of education will do exactly that. Continue. I was also offered a position in the advanced lit program from where I received my degree for Children's Literature. That is up for grabs ... still praying about that one.

I also told myself that this year would be a healthier year. One that would be not only physically healthy but also emotionally and mentally healthy. Happiness is a topic that many debate over. Some believe that you create your own happiness while others believe that your environment is what creates your level of happiness. I believe that it is a blend of both. I not only believe that if we chose to be happy, we will be, but I also believe that if you choose to be happy but there is negativity around you, then it is time to let go and rid your personal space of the magnetism that pulls you towards it. So I have begun the process of just that. It is absolutely a process, but one that I am working at for myself daily through prayer and positive energy. If there is someone or something negative that is in my life then I am definitely removing it.

People pleasing. Enough said. God is my Father and my children look up to me for guidance and support and faith-filled yumminess. Those are the three entities that I seek to please. <3

Friends. *sigh* "I didn't know, until I was at odds with the world, how much my friends who believe in me ... mean to me." - D.H. Lawrence

Cooking. I have learned to cook all over again. And I am really starting to master the whole Celiac cooking concept. My daughter was diagnosed last May. That means absolutely no glutens (wheat, casein, flour, pasta, etc), cows milk and chicken eggs. That means no pizza, no burgers, no pasta, no chicken nuggets, no french fries because they have been cooked in the same oil as the breaded meats with flour on them, no cheese, no ice cream, no ranch dressing. It also means that I have to read every single label because Xanthum Gum is grown on lactose and it also means that simple seasonings contain whey proteins. Basically my 8 year old daughter is a very disciplined young lady who is a Vegan who eats meat. No animal by-products and no glutens at all. She has been dedicated and has lost about 10 pounds and grown 7 inches since May. Completely transformed. Healthy. Happy. The princess I knew she would be if she just felt better. <3

Love. Well, love is like Jazz. Beautiful, chaotic and all over the place. To a fault, I love big or I don't love at all. This goes for my family, my friends and ... well ... it is contained for the one God gives me. The one change that this year has brought is my ability to completely and unconditionally love myself. I began this season in my life with that one simple rule. To love myself ... by doing this I have an even bigger capability within me than I ever thought possible. The unconditional caring and support. Being able to tear down the giant, jagged, unclimbable walls that I had formed into a labyrinth around my own little space. The tendency to not trust. The inability to show another person who I truly am. You know? That quirky, weird girl that listens to any music, dances while she cooks, never retells a joke and gets it right, is OCD unless it comest to laundry, loves LOVES tattoos, can get foggy-eyed over the perfect lyrics to the perfect tune, doesn't like to cry in public, is passionate ... completely and utterly passionate about her passions, is drawn to all things that are far from normal in the psych world ... the girl that isn't the best at putting things into words but loves her GOD with all that is in her and does the Snoopy Dance every single Friday morning (and on special occasions). The girl that has two amazing children that have shifted her from spontaneous to routine, and blessed to be transformed by the very souls that she delivered. ---> You see, by loving every single aspect and detail that pieces together to create the simple me that God created ... well, it is just simply BLISS.

This season in my life is exactly as God intended it to be. Blissful. I know it is already the end of February ... but I hope that this year has found each of you in your own state of Bliss.

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